Never date the guy who……is obsessed with their boobie birthday cake


His name was Brady, we met when I was nineteen on the dance floor of a club. Brady was a mutual friend of the group I was with at the bar. He was in the same fraternity that my guy friends were rushing that semester. He had this innocent, boyish look to him. He was not much taller than me, with the bluest eyes and sandy blonde hair. Our mutual friend Andy later gave Brady my number and shortly after our meeting he called to ask me out on a date.

I will never forget our first date; since we were both so young and underage we didn’t have a ton of options of things to do. He picked me up and we went to dinner and a movie. He was so sweet that when he went to the concessions counter he asked me if I needed anything and I said no; he came back with a drink for himself and he bought me a drink anyways. I had never had a guy be so thoughtful and considerate after I had declined his offer. That is why I am so puzzled by the treatment he gave me at his birthday party sixteen years later…

Fast forward sixteen years later and the invention of Facebook, Brady and I reconnected. He was the same well-mannered and respectful guy I remembered from college; and he looked the exact same! I don’t think anything had changed one bit. He still had all his hair, he didn’t gain any weight and his face still looked like he was nineteen. We started to see each other, things were moving in the right direction and he invited me to be his date for his thirty-fifth birthday party in a couple weeks.  He was buying a couple of tables at a lounge and invited about twenty of his friends. I could not wait to attend his party with the birthday boy.

The night of his party had finally come. I arrived at his place early so I could give him his presents and get ready for the evening. I had packed a bag for the weekend since he and I made plans to spend the weekend together. Slowly his friends started to arrive at his place one by one. I invited my longtime girlfriend that Brady knew from college days so he would not feel like he had to entertain me for the evening.  I wanted him to have a fun night with his friends and didn’t want him to worry about me enjoying the party. The very last guests to arrive were his two good gal friends he had met within the last couple years. They showed up with a present for Brady; his birthday cake. This was not your normal birthday cake; this cake was shaped like a nice, big set of boobies.

Brady was elated when the girls presented him with his cake. Everyone wanted to get a picture of Brady with this boobie cake. I was standing in the back of the room at this point with my girlfriend observing what was going on. At first I didn’t really care, it was all in good fun. But when the pictures started snapping, I started to get annoyed. It wasn’t enough to get one or two pictures; he was standing there posing with the cake in all different positions. His tongue was sticking out pretending to lick the cake to different hand positions for about ten minutes. It was at a point where it was obnoxious.

After the photo shoot everyone headed to the bar to celebrate the birthday boy. I went with my girlfriend since she wasn’t going to stay all night and we were going to meet up with everyone there. We arrived and there were a couple of tables set aside in the back for Brady’s guests. My girlfriend and I ended up sitting with one of Brady’s college buddies that we knew back in the day. We were sitting around drinking and catching up. After about an hour I thought it was weird that Brady had not once come up to me to see how I was doing. I got up to go check in with him, as I was heading in his direction he took off and went the other way. He literally saw me heading in his direction and he climbed over the couch to avoid me. It was clear at this point he wanted nothing to do with me, which kind of puzzled me.

I went back to my table and told my girlfriend what had happened, she was puzzled too. My girlfriend is pretty level headed and would call me out on my actions if I was in the wrong. If she thought I didn’t do anything wrong, I pretty much knew I was innocent. After about another hour of Brady ignoring me I got up the nerve to confront him. I marched right up to him and had to corner him so he would not run away. I asked him why he was ignoring me and he accused me of doing coke in the bathroom with his friend I was talking to. His excuse was one of the worst I had ever heard. I told him he was crazy because that was not at all what was going on. My girlfriend and I were talking to him because Brady certainly wasn’t talking to us.

After a couple minutes of arguing I asked him if he wanted me to leave and he said yes. I told him that I needed his key because all of my things and car was at his place. He finally gave me the keys and I told him to never talk to me again. My girlfriend took me back to his place so I could gather up my things, take back his presents I gave him and leave. As I was about ready to walk out I happen to walk by the infamous boobie cake…and I could not help myself, I smashed and destroyed the cake with my hand. I didn’t even hesitate either. I took out all my anger on his stupid birthday cake. As my hand was smashing the cake, pieces went flying onto his walls, chairs and countertop. It never felt so good to make a mess. My girlfriend had to stop me from destroying it any further; she said I made my point. I walked out and never heard from him again… I got so much satisfaction that he got what he deserved.


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